Never Wanted This (a poem showing the inner depths of my mind)

I never wanted to know
All these things that hurt me so
I trust those eyes so blue
Now I retreat, to clean my wounds
Can you tell me how we got this way?
It feels like it all happened in one monstrous day
One minute your arms are so safe and warm
The next they are the ones inflicting the harm!

Can you understand I never wanted this?
You threw the blows and I took the hits
Now I'm bloodied and bruised and wondering why
I just keep failing every time I try!

You stole my life, everything I'd worked to keep
Every single night you're what wakes my sleep
You laugh as I fall from the clouds
All the sudden I'm naked in front of a crowd
Everyone I know doesn't know me at all!
But, they'll surely always remember that fall.

Can you understand I never wanted this?
You threw the blows and I took the hits
Now I'm bloodied and bruised and wondering why
I just keep failing every time I try!

~Hali~


Epilogue- I wrote this awhile back....when i realized no one really knows the true me...my inner feelings/mind/thoughts. They may think they do...but they don't. I've never really been brave enough to let anyone in...cuz the last time that person couldn't stand it...that person doesn't talk to me anymore. *sigh* maybe someday I'll find someone that understands!! Someone that can really truly see the real me and accept it!!!

God in Relationships

So, I told you I would do this to you, my friends.
Alright I have made a key point outline so that you can keep up.

I. Relationships In General
1. I don't know much about relationships. I've never had a boyfriend and not many boys have liked me in my life. But from what I have seen...I think most go way too fast. For example, I have a cousin...(his name has been changed in order to keep his anonymity(sp?)) let's call him Joe, who, in every relationship he's ever had, has consulted me about it. I always approve or dissapprove of the girl and then he either has or doesn't have a relationship with this girl. But in his relationships he has a standard chronological list of when to do what. here is the list: (this is basic school week chronology)

a. holding hands (pretty much the first day)
b. lacing fingers while holding hands (4th day)
c. arms around each other (2nd week-1st day depending on how much he likes the girl)
d. kiss girl on cheek (2nd day of 2nd week)
e. kiss girl mouth (3rd day of 2nd week)
f. !!!!I don't know if you know me that well....but i'm just gonna be blunt!!!!! sex (mid 2nd week)
g. if he's sick of the girl he dumps her (end of 2nd week) if he likes the girl they stay together until he gets sick of her.

now....this is not my idea of a relationship at all. when i look at that list i almost feel sick. Sick!

now i have a really really good friend Jordan Covely...and he would be just fine with you knowing his name. and this is his relationship:

a. getting to know the girl (quite awhile)
b. dating girl
c. holding hands (3 months)

and so far that's all. They have been dating for 6 months now. i'm really really proud of Jordan. I am learning from his relationships.

II. Jesus
1. Jesus is the Son of God. He died so you can live. lalalala. you know this already. Jesus is amazing....'nuff said.
2. Jesus should always be in your relationship. ALWAYS. WITH ANY PERSON! whether they're just a friend, a family member, etc.

III. Jesus In Your Relationship
1. I will say, Jesus is the only way your relationship can go well. (so many points to cover!!!)
2. So many people get into relationships and think that they will last forever. Well....a relationship can last forever. It's possible. But the only way it can is with God. there are VERY few exceptions. and these arent' even real exceptions because those people aren't going to go live their eternal lives together.
3. Let God guide your relationship. God will tell you where to go with it. He will put the correct person in your life. He made you! He knows exactly what you need. He knows the desires of your heart! He loves you and wants you to be happy. and if you are in the center of God's will then you will never have to worry for anything.


So....in conclusion...don't have a relationship without God in it. There will always be honesty, trust, respect, and love in a relationship with God.


of course what do I know....i'm just a teenage girl who knows nothing about relationships.

Hali

ps- Switchfoot rocks!

To Write Love On Her Arms

So today while I was shopping with Ashlen Covely, I bought a TWLOHA shirt. I got to thinking about how important this organization is. This organization gives money to people like several of my friends that cut or have suicidal thoughts so that they can get help. I encourage anyone who reads this blog to go and get one. They are really pretty and fun t-shirts and they are giving money to a great cause. I mean how many of your friends have had problems like that? I mean I know a lot of my friends have. So anyways, this could be going to help your friends!!!

Thanks for reading and hopefully helping out this organization!!

LOVE!!!

Listening and Acceptance (aka The Ramblings of a Teenage Girl)

I wrote this this morning in my Daily Life Journal inspired by a long talk I had with Ashlen Covely and Ellie Shortridge (aka Alice). I got to thinking about it...and this makes soooo much sense!! Now...take a look into Hali's mind....if you aren't scared.......*winks*



Sometimes I feel like it's so hard to listen. I just want my life to be in a planner given to me by God at birth. "This is your life...go live it the way I planned". But unfortunately to get closer to God humans have to go through trials. We also need to go through these to prepare us for our lives.
But it's hard to hear what God is saying sometimes over the lies of the world.
"You have to have a boyfriend"
"You have to be as skinny as this model or else you're fat"
blah blah blahty blah

Our society is corrupt. To be accepted in this society we must be sinful. I mean it's weird for people my age to hear that I'm a virgin. They think "She's not normal." It's weird for someone not to have lived with their boyfriend/girlfriend before being married. Sometimes it's hard not to conform because humans long for acceptance. It's just in us. But sometimes we don't realize that in God's eyes we're always accepted. Accepted exactly as we are. Ugly, filthy, sinful creatures. He looks at us and thinks we are beautiful. This is something that has just amazed me! We are so disgusting and unworthy and He still loves us! With a burning, everlasting love. It's crazy! But God's a crazy God. He has done things we can never imagine!
I believe as long as we can see our worth as not being judged by, "this guy who likes me" or "these friends who accept me" but by God...we will feel acceptence and hear what He has to say! What He has to say is much more important than anything else. If really listen...we will hear.

But I guess the real question is... who/what judges your worth? Is it something worldly or is it God. It's HARD!!! It REALLY is to let God judge your worth! Sometimes we forget about him. I mean there are days when I just want a guy to like me. I would feel pretty and loved.........

But think about that...! Who really judges my worth? God!!! I was so beautiful and loved that God sent His ONLY son to die in my place!!! I was to die for!!! Jesus loved me sooo much that He gave His live so I could keep mine! I must be pretty special if Jesus though I was worth dying for! Like I said our society makes this okay! They make us think we can only be accepted if the world accepts us. We just have to remember we are accepted no matter what!!
I think once we truly feel accepted we will be ready to hear God. And if we're really truly listening....we will!!

Friends

I must say that out of all the people in the world...I wouldn't trade my friends for any of them. We have the most hilarious inside jokes, we are close, we can be serious, we are amazing.
I will first talk about losing friends:
I have lost and gained many friends over my 16 1/2 years of life and what i've learned is that friends come and go...you just have to enjoy the time you have with them! Some friends you are happy to see go and some you are hysterical over seeing them go. But they were still a little piece of your puzzle/life. (yeah i'm not good with metaphors)
Keeping friends:
This is an art only mastered by the strong willed, soft hearted, beautiful people. My friends all have one of the three or more.
Making friends:



Yes I left that blank on purpose. There is no right or wrong way to make friends and i don't want to sway you're opinion or make you think mine is right.

So anyways that is my views on friends. Love you all!!!

All Time Low and Ellie

Yes, I did mention them earlier...but they are amazing! All Time Low are not a Christian band I will warn you. But their songs are well written, they have a great live show, they answer fan questions, and they are pretty much amazing. Listen to Poppin' (Champagne) or Six Feet Under The Stars if you are looking for a great experience!

Ellie is cleaning her room today. It is an epic mess and she is finally noticing for herself. She is folding clothes and picking up trash that she hasn't in months. GO ELLIE! She asked me if I would help her hang up clothes but I said no...and used the excuse "I don't have a drivers license". Poor girl.

(btw, I'm really enjoying this picture of Ellie.)

LOVE!

Starting a Blog

So starting a blog wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I've always wanted to have one because I love to scrapbook and I love to write journals. So now I've got one and I'm pretty thrilled and stinkin' excited! So anyways it's late and I'll probably write more tomorrow!

ps- All Time Low rocks...check them out!